Mothering during a Pandemic
“The most important job in the world is not honoured” ~ Dr. Gabor Mate.
As a mom of two – a highly sensitive mom, with two highly sensitive children – I know that mothering is hard. Mothering during a pandemic, though, is even harder. I’ve thought of new moms a lot over the past year. Newly pregnant, or moms of newborns, and I can’t imagine being back in that phase of mothering during this pandemic. I am writing today to honour all the moms who are feeling tired. The moms who have had to attend doctor appointments alone. The moms who have given birth alone. The moms who have missed baby showers, baby moons, and all the beautiful celebrations that mark one of the biggest transitions a woman and family will go through. I want to honour the moms who have suffered a miscarriage or stillbirth, with the restraint of support this pandemic has created. To the moms who have missed out on the mom and baby classes, visiting with friends and family, having others simply love and hold their babies, I see you. The losses are endless. To the single moms: your courage is inspiring. To all the moms who are depressed, anxious, and lonely, you were never meant to do this alone.
What is important for you to know, mamas, is that under non-pandemic conditions, becoming a mother is one of the hardest, life-changing transitions many of us will ever face. Depending on the support network we already have, and the life stressors we are already facing at the time, our ability to cope will not look the same. Most women however will experience a wide range of emotions during the perinatal period (pregnancy to birth), regardless of their current environment. During a pandemic, these emotions will have undoubtedly increased. During a pandemic, stress has increased. Fears have increased. Anxiety has increased. During a pandemic, isolation has increased, isolation being a risk factor for postpartum depression and other perinatal mood disorders. And here you are, mamas, doing your best under the most unfavourable conditions.
Mamas, your need for support is not because you are failing. Mamas, your need for support is not because you are a bad mom. Mamas, your need for support is not because there is something wrong with you. The truth is that there is something wrong in our culture. Your need for support, mamas, is because you were not meant to do this alone. In fact we are one of the only cultures in the world who expects this of mothers. Your need for support, mamas, is because you were meant to have support, because you are human, with a story of your own. Bringing another little human into the world is not a task for one.
During a pandemic, mothering has stepped into a new level of difficulty. For all the reasons listed above and hundreds more. During a pandemic, mothering requires more support than ever before. Mamas, asking for help is the same as making deposits in your heart’s bank account. It is not selfish, it’s self love. With those deposits, with that self love, over time you will accumulate inner wealth and well-being, allowing others to make withdrawals, allowing your children to make withdrawals without you going bankrupt. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of strength and humility. Reaching out is the first step to building resilience during difficult times. Mothering during a pandemic is hard, but you don’t have to do it alone.
Mothering during a pandemic is hard, and I see you.